night of the full moon
by LupinLover99
Summary: remus gets SIRIUSly injured. when no one will take him at St. Mungo's, sirius shows how he really feels. Originally, not slash, but I added it in at the end, sorry!
1. discussing with Lily

"**night of the full moon"**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything. But I did make this story up. This takes place after they got out of school but before the Potters' die and the marauders are broken up. Oh, and check out the song, "My Sundown" by Jimmy Eat World. It's good for Remus and Sirius, but a word of caution, it's depressing. It could be Sirius as he's dying. If you picture him falling through the veil while it plays, you cry big time. **

**Chapter 1: discussion with Lily**

** Remus' POV **

**It was the full moon. Never a happy time, especially not for me. I had a horrible cold; my immune system was always a little low before the full moon. But none of these was the thing really bothering me. The thing that was bothering me was the fact that tonight, for the first time in about seven or eight years, I was going to transform alone. No Sirius, no James, no Peter. James and Sirius had to go on a secret mission for Dumbledore's order and no one knew where Peter was lurking about these days. So, I was left alone. I'm always the last one, the last one with nothing to do who's always abandoned. I was convinced I would live though. **

**I shuddered and pulled my tattered old blanket tighter around my thin shoulders as shivers racked my body. I sneezed violently and went into a horrible coughing fit. I gasped and took a swig of water as I calmed down. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I got up warily, my head swimming, and tottered to the door. I peeked through the peephole and saw Lily Evans Potter. What a saint. **

**I opened the door and went forward to hug her as she came in. I ended up collapsing into her arms on my unsteady and weak legs. She caught me and helped me to the couch again, and then she pulled up a chair and sat next to me.**

**"So," she began. "How do you feel?"**

**"Not very good." **

**"I can see. Are you sure you'll be all right alone tonight?"**

**"No, nothing is for sure, but what are you going to do about it, Lils?"**

**"I wish I could bundle you up in my arms to stop you from going through so much pain. Or turn into an animal myself to help you."**

**"Oh don't be silly Lily," I said, through hacking coughs. "Heh, that rhymes."**

**"Oh Remus, you can even bring humor out of something like this!" Lily said, giggling. "And by the way, those are very nice pajamas." She giggled more and gestured to my plaid pajamas. **

**I chuckled. "Sirius gave them to me as a sort of a joke last year. Mary likes them though." Mary O'Reilly and I had been going out since our sixth year at Hogwarts.**

**"Oh, that's good. I expect she sees a lot of them, right?" she said, giggling harder still. **

**"If you're implying that I have girls overnight here," I lowered my voice. "Then you're right. But don't tell Sirius, he thinks I'm a good boy and I wouldn't want to ruin my image." I chuckled. "But only Mary." **

**"I figured. I never thought of you as a player like old Sirius!"**

**"I would never be like Sirius in any way! But he is a good friend." I leaned over to my table and took a drink of water that was spit out just as soon as I had raised the cup to my lips.**

**"Remus! What's wrong?" Lily asked, for I had just doubled over in pain. Then she looked out the window and saw that the sun was beginning to set. **

"**Oh, I had better go. Good luck." She kissed my cheek that was beginning to get a bit hairy and let herself out. She turned around and performed a complicated sealing charm on the door so the werewolf wouldn't get loose. Then, she apparated. **

**I let out a rather animal-like scream as my bones broke and reformed themselves into the shape of the werewolf. I began to get considerably hairier. I felt the world slipping away from me and the wolf part of my mind taking over. Soon, it had, and all I wanted was blood. I wanted to kick in all the windows but when I tried to, the glass wouldn't break and I was rebounded back. I felt a few ribs break as I hit the floor. This was not going to be a good night. **

**A/N: yes, a new story. This is the much I have ever posted in a week! I'm proud of myself! Well, please review and let me know how it is so far! This isn't a Remus/Lily fic but it isn't slash either, I hope you noticed the mention of his girlfriend. Keep in mind that he has girls overnight in the next chapter when your mind strays to the possibility of slash. Well, stay tuned! **


	2. let me show you how i feel

"**night of the full moon"**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Remus, or Sirius, or anything for that matter.**

**Chapter 2: let me show you how I feel**

**Sirius' POV **

**It was a long, cold, boring night with James on our secret mission. We sat in a trench, waiting for Voldemort and his supporters. It turned out that our contact was wrong and we wasted a night. I felt horrible; we could have been with Remus. I just hoped he was okay.**

**I arrived at James' house at about 8:00 AM. We had a nice breakfast of eggs, bacon, sausage and kippers. I was getting edgy when the subject of Remus finally came up.**

**"Yeah, I visited him last night." Said Lily.**

**"How did he seem?" James inquired.**

**"He was all right, almost normal, until the sun began to set. Then he was in a lot of pain and I decided to leave."**

**"I just hope he did okay." James replied.**

**I was frozen, for some reason, I had a feeling he wasn't okay. I think Remus and I had a connection because we were such close friends. I could finish his sentences and he mine, it seemed as though we were thinking the same thoughts a lot of the time, we even had the same taste in women. I went out with Mary for a while but she ended up choosing Remus over me. But we didn't let that get between us. And right now, I could tell something was wrong.**

**"Guys, I'm gonna go check on Remus, okay?"**

**"All right," said James. "Call us if it's bad and you need help."**

**"I only hope I won't have to." Sirius muttered as he put his coat on and shut the door behind him. **

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**Remus' POV **

**I woke up and was only vaguely aware of where I was and what had happened. I was in a pain-induced daze. I saw a large hole in the wall and when I felt pain in my left leg, I realized I must have tried to kick through the wall. I also saw my wrist hanging at a weird angle. As I stared at it, trying to fathom what had happened through my foggy gaze, I heard someone apparate outside my door. **

**"Remus?" a voice called. "Remus ol' boy?"**

**It was Sirius, but I was too weak to answer. And I couldn't do anything to let him in. I just hoped the charm on the door had ended. It had. I heard Sirius burst in. Then I realized there had been a charm on my bedroom door as well.**

**He began pounding on the door. "Remus? Remus, are you in there? What did you do to the door??"**

**He sounded frantic. Just then I got a pain in my abdomen and let out a little scream of anguish.**

**"Remus? Remus, hold on!"**

**I doubled over and retched onto the floor. "Remus?? I'm coming!" he kicked his way through the hole I had begun, ran in and rubbed my back as my stomach heaved. **

**"It's okay Remmy, it's okay."**

**I calmed down and leaned into his chest, silent tears of pain running down my face.**

**"Oh Remus, don't cry. Then I'll cry!"**

**"I'm sorry Padfoot." I croaked.**

**"Don't talk. How long does the charm on the door last?"**

**"I don't know…I…."**

**"Don't tell me you don't know! We have to get you out!"**

**I cried harder and he apologized. "I'm sorry, I don't want you to die."**

**My vision began to go black. I thought it was the end. "Padfoot…."**

**"Remus, what?" he gasped. He had seen the pool of blood near my leg. "We have to get you to St. Mungo's."**

**"They won't take me."**

**"Why not?" **

**"I'm a monster." I heard him scoff. "They think I am."**

**"You are not a monster," he said, sounding as though he was coming down with a cold. My vision was going, and it sounded like his voice was coming through a badly tuned radio. I passed out.**

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**Sirius' POV **

**I couldn't believe the size of the pool of blood by Remus' leg. Suddenly, he passed out. I was taken by surprise. I groped around for his wrist, hoping against hope he was okay. I found it and it was hanging, unattached to the rest of his arm. I dropped it and grabbed the other one. There was a pulse. It was slow and faint though and I knew I had to get him to St. Mungo's. I was rather tired from our long night in a damp trench, but I clutched Remus tight and with all the strength I could muster, apparated with him.**

**We arrived at St. Mungo's in a matter of 2 seconds. It was utter chaos. There were people with frostbite and broken noses and injuries of all kinds. I made my way through the crowd carrying Remus and up to the front desk. It was hard to keep Remus' flopping head from hitting things along the way but I took extra care to keep him out of danger's way. **

**"Excuse me, could I get a doctor for this man? Quickly, please."**

**The woman looked at me skeptically. "Name?"**

**"Remus Lupin, that's him."**

**She put his name into a computer with her wand and her eyes widened when she saw whatever was on the screen. **

**"What? Can you take him?"**

**"I'm sorry, no."**

**"But, why?"**

**"Sir, this man is a werewolf." **

**"So?"**

**A/N: I am really proud of this chapter. I hope you liked it. Please review and keep reading! **


	3. desperate times

"**night of the full moon"**

**Disclaimer: if I did own Remus, he would not leave the house and we would be planning our wedding right now. Heehee. But alas, I don't own him or Sirius. If I owned Sirius, I would give him to Araceli. LOL.**

**Chapter 3: desperate times…**

**Sirius' POV **

**"This man is a werewolf."**

**"So?"**

**Blood was now dripping on their clean, hospital floor but I didn't care. All I cared about was that Remus was getting weaker as I wasted breath talking to this prejudiced person. I was furious.**

**"SO?" I repeated louder.**

**"Well, it's a little dangerous to have him around the other patients."**

**"What are you talking about lady? The full moon was yesterday! That's why he's so sick and injured! Or don't you have a calendar?" I said, rather rudely. **

**The woman looked taken aback. "Look, the most I can do for you is let you put the man in a spare room and maybe some doctor will be brave enough to-"**

**"ARE YOU BLIND LADY??" I exclaimed. "This man is not capable of hurting anyone right now! He is DYING! All we want is some help."**

**Everyone was staring at us now but I could care less. Remus was my best friend next to James and now that James was married, Remus was all I had. I was not about to lose him to someone else's ignorance! **

**"Um," she said, looking pale and afraid now, as though she were more afraid of me than a werewolf now. "Here," she handed me a little door hanger with the number 2 on it. "Put this on the door of room 202 and I'll see if anyone wants to come and help."**

**"Yeah, you do that." I said, snatching the hanger from her and storming over to the lifts. **

**When I got into the lifts, I lay Remus down to give my arms a rest. Plus, I was feeling like being rude to these people and was hoping he would leave a blood stain on their precious carpet. **

**I got out at the second floor and quickly found room 202. I laid Remus down on the bed they had and sat next to him. He looked horrible. His eyes were half open but you could only see the whites of his eyes. His face was pale and his lips parched. His mouth was open and I could hear him trying desperately to draw breath. After a while of just watching his chest rise and fall, I fell asleep. **

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**I awoke early the next morning. Remus was still there and still looked pretty bad so I knew no one had come in. I cursed the prejudiced people here. His leg had stopped bleeding though. I sat there for a while trying to figure out was different. Then I froze; I didn't hear Remus' raspy breathing anymore. I looked over at him and saw his chest and stopped rising and falling. I put my hand to his heart, no heartbeat. **

**I had to work fast. I tilted his head back and pinched his nose closed. I lowered my mouth to his and breathed oxygen into his deprived lungs. His chest rose. I pumped his heart and repeated the operation. After a while, still nothing had happened. I laid my head on his chest and cried. **

**"Remus," I sobbed. "Why Remus? Why?" Then, through my dazed anguish, I heard something. Remus had taken a deep breath! I looked at him and as I stared, he breathed again! It had worked! Then, right before my eyes he cracked his own eyes open and looked straight at me. **

**"Padfoot…." He croaked.**

**I almost started crying right there. I bent down and hugged him gently and said, "Moony." **

**"Thank you." He said as I let him go.**

**"Anything for a friend."**

**A/N: there will be more. I think. I apologize for any tears I caused you to shed. I am immensely proud of this story. Thank you for the reviews. I loved writing this chapter; I hope you loved reading it. Stay tuned! And check out my profile for more Lupin-y goodness. LOL. **


	4. just when ya think it can't get worse

"**night of the full moon"**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Remus or Sirius.**

Chapter 4:

** Sirius' POV **

**Well, after that, Remus had a short period of wellness, where nothing was wrong with him. I was thinking of taking him home when it happened. I was down in the St. Mungo's kitchen getting Remus some lunch. I came back up, thinking that everything was back to normal now. **

**As I entered the room and set down the tray of food, I glanced over at Remus. His face was pale and his eyes were clenched shut in pain. His breaths were coming in ragged gasps and he was sweating profusely. I walked toward him and touched his cheek with one finger. He winced; his skin was scorching to touch. I was frozen in fear; I thought he'd been getting better. **

**I ran out of the room and toward the lift, knocking people out of the way on my rampage. I jabbed the down button frantically. It wasn't coming! I sighed, remembering I was a wizard, and apparated to the main desk. **

**"Look, I don't care if he's a werewolf all right, he's my friend and I think he's dying. You have to treat him. You have to." I began to cry softly. "You have to…."**

**"I don't think anyone will but I'll see…" she began.**

**"Here." I said, fishing in my pocket and pulling out a sack of money. All the money I had with me. The woman stared at it for a minute, then said. "Come with me."**

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**The next minutes were a blur, all I was thinking of was poor Remus. All I know is that, next thing I knew, I was in front of Remus' door with a specialist. He entered and when he saw Remus, he frowned.**

**"This man should have been treated a while ago."**

**"I know!" I cried out, trying to hold back tears at the look in Remus' glazed over eyes. "They wouldn't take him."**

**"That was very wrong of that woman to say. She will be dealt with. And if this man dies, you will be reimbursed."**

**"NO!" I yelled, running for the doctor and gripping him by the shoulders. "He's not going to die! Because you are going to treat him." I said, through a waterfall of new tears. "You have to. And even if he did die do you think I would care about getting reimbursed??" I spat disgustedly. "I don't care about money! All I want…" I sighed. "…all I want is my friend back." I let go of the frightened doctor and sat down in a chair, running my fingers through my too long hair, crying. **

**"I will do what I can young man. I will try my best."**

**I looked up, tears glistening in my eyes. "Thank you." I wiped my eyes. "What's wrong with him anyway?"**

**"Well, it seems as though this nasty cut on his leg has contracted a rather dangerous infection of some sort. That's why he's got the fever."**

**I held back a new wave of tears. This was not good news.**

**"No doubt, it could have been stopped, had he been treated earlier." He frowned and went to examine Remus' leg. "I will put some antiseptic on this and check up on him in the morning. For now, there's nothing to be done about his fever."**

**"Okay, okay," I said, distractedly, watching Remus breathe. "I'll see you then."**

**"Please keep a close watch on him."**

**"Of course."**

**After the doctor put some cream on Remus' leg, he left. I pulled the chair next to the bed and pushed a lock of sweaty brown hair off Remus' brow. I didn't see how I would ever fall asleep.**

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**Well I don't remember falling asleep but who ever does? I awoke the next morning to a jumble of people in white coats around Remus' bed. I tried to look over their heads, "What's the matter with him?" I asked, but everyone ignored me. **

**After a few minutes the doctor I'd been speaking to came out of the crowd to talk to me. "The man has fallen into a coma." **

**I sunk back into my chair, staring wide-eyed in shock. "Well, will he be okay?"**

**"We're not sure at the moment. Those healers are putting him on life support and all we can do is hope for the best."**

**I barely heard him. I was slowly realizing that I might lose one of my best friends. I put my head in hands. **

**"I recommend you stay here with him." I heard the man say, I nodded.**

**They all left after a few more minutes and I was all alone with Remus. I couldn't stand seeing him like this. There were lots of needles in his arms that connected to a machine next to him and he had an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. I knelt down next to the bed and grabbed one of his hands.**

**"Remus, I don't know if you can hear me but you have to come out of this. If you don't, I…..I…I don't know what I'll do. Please, try. Try for Padfoot." I said to him. I clenched his hand and put my head next to his body, crying. **

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**Over the next few weeks, James and Lily came to visit often. All I could do was act hopeful when they were there and cry when they left. The first time they came, James took one look at him and walked to the window, staring at nothing in particular. I knew he didn't want me to see him crying so I didn't say anything. Lily cried and talked to him a lot when she was there. She would tell him that he had to wake up in time to see the baby being born. I would silently add, "You better wake up long before that."**

**After some time, I had been rifling through some of my old things, searching desperately for memories. I don't know why I did, I only got more depressed. Well, I was looking in a box labeled, "My old stuff", one day and found a nice looking red ledger book with a label on the front reading, "The Marauder's Chronicles."**

**I opened it and on the front page was written, in Remus nice neat handwriting, "Welcome to the notebook of the marauders, if you are a prefect, teacher, or Filch, please get out right now unless you want to be sprayed with a jet of stinkweed. In this notebook, we will record all the interesting, sad, funny, or exciting things that happen to us while at Hogwarts. Enter fellow marauder and enjoy yourself."**

**Tears welled up in my eyes, I remembered making this back in third year. We had figured out that Remus was a werewolf and after he realized that we weren't going to abandon him, he bought this notebook to store our memories in. I remember asking him why he thought we would stay friends? He had replied. "I know, Sirius. I just know. People as compassionate as you are easy to get along with. And it's not every day a werewolf gets friends you know."**

**So I brought the notebook with me to the hospital and read the notes in it to Remus, hoping he could hear it somehow and come out of it. **

**A/N: moving chapter, I think. The next chapter is going to be some of the notes that Sirius reads to Remus. It will be up in good time. **


	5. notes and a miracle

"**Night of the full moon"**

**Chapter 5: notes and a miracle**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of this, for when I look in the mirror, I am not J.K. Rowling. **

**A/N: I am soooooooooooooo sorry for taking so long to update but u have absolutely no idea what has happened to me since I last updated! I have gone thru so much shit this year…………but this is not the time for my sob story, this is for u guys! Read on! (The notes are in italics, that's the majority of this chappie)**

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_**Dear Moony, **_

_**What is the point in paying attention in this class? I swear, his enthusiasm died when he did. Professor Binns should just give up and go to the "other side" or wherever you go when you die! So, anyhow, plans for the full moon? I know the normal stuff but this time I think you should get to choose where we go. Not that you'll remember, sorry, that was mean. Write me back!**_

_**Messr. Padfoot**_

_**Dear Padfoot, **_

_**The point in paying attention is so you can pass the exam at the end of the year, you twit. But I do agree with your fervor to get rid of him. If we had a young, exuberant professor, maybe someone besides me would pay attention! Well, in regards to the full moon, I think the wolf is perfectly content with running through Hogsmeade. And frankly, you're right, he wouldn't know the difference if we went somewhere else. **_

_**Messr. Moony**_

_**Moony, **_

_**Hey, dude, I can pass the exam by using cheating quills or my sheer genius…. or you for that matter. The only way I would pay attention in this class would be for the professor to be a woman, with large proportions. Heeheehee……… and no one but you cares that much about notes, honestly. Ok then, Hogsmeade it is. How are you feeling? It's only about 4 days now, right?**_

_**Padfoot**_

_**Padfoot,**_

_**Excuse me? I will not assist you in your evil cheating, good grade getting schemes. I refuse. And cheating quills are illegal. McGonagall will confiscate any from anyone she suspects and she most certainly suspects you! And there is more to life than women, I know you'll be shocked, but it's true. I'm feeling as well as can be expected this close to doomsday. No, really, not that bad. **_

_**Moony**_

_**Moony,**_

_**Are you sure? From where I sit you look a little peaky…. hmmm. Nothing a little chocolate can't cure, I'm sure. Well anyway, fine, you can't join in on me and Prongs' cheat-sheet making party. Ha! So there! No! There can't be things other than women important in this world! You must be kidding! Or crazy. And yes, McGonagall suspects me, but she loves me. **_

_**Padfoot**_

_**Padfoot, **_

_**Yes I'm sure! And you sit all the way across the room! Why would I trust your eyesight? Well, I always look a bit peaky so I wouldn't be surprised if you were right. Ah yes, chocolate cures everything. And I mean, everything. Fine, I don' t want to be in your little party. And yes, there are other things. And no, I'm not crazy, nor does McGonagall love you. **_

_**Moony**_

_**Moony, **_

_**Fine, if you're sure. But I'm telling you, if I had this lycanthropy thing, I would be using it to my advantage! It could really get you out of class! And my eyesight is bloody well fine! Hmph. What do you use that chocolate for, Moony? Heeheehee…well maybe she doesn't love me but she did blush terribly at my Halloween, alcohol-induced marriage proposal. Am I right?**_

_**Padfoot**_

_**Padfoot,**_

_**Oh my dear dog, everyone in the great hall blushed at the sheer embarrassing-ness of that comment. And if you had this "lycanthropy thing", you would never survive. No offense but I would love to see you go one full moon without dying. And you do not use medical problems to get you out of class, okay? Well, maybe you do but I don't. Shut up, I know what was going on in your head at that chocolate comment and frankly, you need to get your mind out of the gutter! Well, there's the bell, see you at lunch!**_

_**Moony**_

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**Sirius closed the book after reading this last note and sneaking a peak at the wizarding photograph below it. It was of him and Remus at the lunch mentioned in the previous note. In it, Sirius was showing a mouthful of something chewed and was putting bunny ears behind the head of the unsuspecting Moony, who was reading a thick book. He looked at his comatose friend and wished the same thing he wished everyday. For him to wake up and for everything to go back to as normal as it could be with the war on.**

**About three weeks after Remus fell into the coma, Mary stopped by. "I am so sorry!" she said, upon entering the room.**

**"Where have you been?" Sirius exclaimed, jumping out of his chair.**

**"Well, I was out of town on business for Dumbledore and I only just got your owl, I think it got lost in a storm or something. Its wing was all bent and…" she gasped, catching a glimpse of Remus. "You didn't say it was this bad, Sirius."**

**"Well I didn't want to worry you."**

**She walked over slowly to Remus' bed and touched his hand. It was still relatively warm, but the doctors had warned his time was running out.**

**"Remus…" she whispered. "It's me, Mary. I love you darling, and you have to wake up to feel that love. Honey," she glanced at Sirius. "Remember that night a few months ago?"**

**Sirius' eyes widened as she continued. "When it was so cold out and I had no energy left to apparate home? Well, I did have energy for something else as you may recall. Well, darling, you must wake up so we can share another night like that. Please? Please do it, for me and for Sirius, and for Lily and James, and the baby, Remus. Lily and James' baby! That child needs you in his life. What will he do without an Uncle Moony to give him chocolate?"**

**Sirius, still amazed that Remus had had a girl overnight at his place, smiled at this last comment. "So, what do you say Remus?" she leaned closer. "Will you wake up? For me?" she carefully removed his oxygen mask and, through tears, kissed his cold lips.**

**It was as though she had breathed life into him. He began to breathe on his own and his eyelids flickered. She kissed his cheek and his eyes opened wearily. "Mary?" he asked, with a hoarse and unused voice.**

**"Yes, Remus, it's me…" she said, through tears of joy. "I'm here."**

**Later that day when a doctor came in to examine the newly awakened Remus, he said that the thing that had stirred him from his coma was simply, love.**

**A/N: well, what do you have to say to that chapter? Let me know by reviewing. And all those people who said, "what happened to Mary? What kind of a girlfriend is she?" yeah, those people? drop me a line, eh?**


	6. what about me?

"night of the full moon"

Disclaimer: thank you all for your kind reviews. They mean so much to me and really keep me going. I really and truly appreciate them! Thanks!

Chapter 6: what about me?

Sirius' POV

Everything had been clearing up since Mary's miracle working on Moony. The infection died down and his lungs got stronger and his cuts healed. He hated being cooped up in that stuffy old hospital room as he was getting better. I often brought the marauder book with me on visits and entertained him. Mary came by an awful lot since she was in town now. A few weeks after Mary woke him up, Remus was let out of the hospital. It was a real treat for him to finally be out.

We decided to have it at my flat since James and Lily didn't volunteer and Mary's was too small and Remus' was too destroyed, (it hadn't been repaired after that full moon that caused everything). I was putting out some food when James and Lily arrived, early, with a little pop. Lily teetered backward a little because of her swelling belly and James steadied her.

"How much longer?" I asked them.

"Oh, about three months now," said Lily, beaming with pride and rubbing her belly.

"Wow." I replied. "And I'm the godfather, right?"

"Of course Sirius, of course." James said, nabbing a few pretzels from a nearby bowl.

"I can't wait to teach this little boy some pranks!" I said, patting Lil's stomach.

"What makes you so sure it's a boy?" Lily inquired.

"Vibes Lily, vibes." I said, eating some pretzels too. She chuckled.

Suddenly, there was a pop. Remus and Mary had arrived. I hurried to meet them. "Remus," I said. "I thought you weren't supposed to be apparating."

"He isn't." said Mary, disapprovingly and helping a drowsy looking Remus sit on the couch. "He kept insisting upon it and I kept saying no and then he just apparated before I could protest anymore!"

"I'm fine! You people just, overreact about a little fatigue!" he attempted to get up but sank back onto the couch, covering his eyes with his hand.

Mary looked worried. "Sirius, do you have any Pepper-Up Potion? The doctor said he should take that if he feels like this."

"Sure, I'll get some."

I went into my bathroom and quickly found some. As I was walking back I heard the four in the living room talking. Is stopped short of the room to listen in.

"Yes, it's all thanks to Mary." Remus was saying. "I wouldn't have woken up if it hadn't been for her."

"You're a real miracle worker Mary!" Lily said.

"What would we do without you?" James asked.

I fumed. This was all I had been hearing for the past month. "Good job Mary" and "you're so great Mary". Well, these people kept forgetting who'd stayed with Remus the whole damn time! Who saved him from a gruesome death in his house? Who had taken him to St. Mungo's and demanded they take care of him? Who'd given him CPR when his lungs failed? Who was there every step of the way, watching him or helping him or reading to him? Not bloody Mary, that's for sure. She was out of town. I was here, reading him old notes and talking to him and praying for him to get well. I was a little put out about this. How could they completely forget about me? But I wasn't about to ruin Remus' coming back party.

A voice broke me from my reverie. "Sirius? Where's that potion?" It was Mary. I remembered what I had been doing and put on a happy face, crossing into the room everyone was gathered in.

"Here you go!" I said, in what I hoped wasn't a too cheerful voice, handing the bottle to Mary. "Sorry I took so long."

"That's okay. Here Remus." Said Mary, passing the potion to him. He tipped the bottle into his mouth.

"Ah, I feel better now." He said, rummaging in his pocket for something. "In fact, I feel good enough to make a little announcement."

Everyone looked at him quizzically. He took a small box out of his pocket and got on one knee in front of Mary. I groaned.

"Mary, would you like to spend the rest of your life with me? Would you like to be my partner in everything I do?"

She wiped tears from her eyes. "Of course Remus!" she flung her arms around Remus' neck. When she withdrew herself, Remus slipped the ring on her finger and kissed her while James cheered and Lily "awwwed". I scowled. I was losing another friend to marriage. What about me?

A/N: what do u think of the newest installment? Please let me know and I will have the next one up as soon as possible.


	7. i hate myself for losing you

"**night of the full moon"**

**Disclaimer:** don't own it. The chapter title is from Kelly Clarkson's song of the same name.

**Chapter 7: **I hate myself for losing you I have myself to blame 

_For the state I'm in today_

And now dying doesn't seem so cruel 

** Remus **

After the wonderful "getting-out-of-the-hospital" party at Sirius', he became more distant from me. I didn't really understand why. Everyone else was deliriously happy, why shouldn't he be as well? I got the answer one night at dinner with my _new fiancée_, Mary.

"Well, Sirius has been acting very strangely lately don't you think, darling?" I asked, as I passed her the salad bowl.

"Yes, he has." She replied, taking a sip of wine. "I can only guess that it's the fact all his friends are getting hitched while he watches."

I froze with my fork halfway to my mouth. "No! That can't be it!" I started laughing. "Sirius doesn't want to get married!"

"I didn't say it was jealousy. He's just lonely."

"Well, perhaps I can find him someone." I smiled to myself. Sirius had always been the one to find me a date and here we were, the other way around.

"Oh, that would be nice, Remus. Why not tonight? I'll be off on another mission from Dumbledore and you'll just be here all alone."

"Yes, that's right." I wound some spaghetti around my fork and stared at it. "You know, I wish he wouldn't give you those missions. They're so dangerous, honey."

"I know, but, someone's got to do them and you're still weak, Sirius is useless these days, Lily is expecting and James is taking care of her. I'm the only one in our squad who can do it." She ate more spaghetti but when she looked up, I was still looking at her, worried. "Remus, don't worry, all right? I'll be fine!"

"If you say so."

"I do. Now please, take Sirius to some pub tonight and have fun."

"I'll try." But I didn't eat my spaghetti, my mouth was too dry.

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** Sirius **

It was a dull night. I could tell that from the minute I pulled my frozen dinner out of the microwave and the potatoes weren't cooked all the way. It was just one of those nights. It was a romantic night, cool breezes and soft moonlight and all that crap. And here I was, on a great night for couples, Sirius the ladies' man, with no date. I hated that. I hated everything.

I sat down to eat and at that very minute, the doorbell rang. I swore and kicked my dinner off the table. I got up to see who it was. Here, I open the door and who is it? Mister Moony who just got engaged and why the hell is he at my door?

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Um, well, Mary thought, I mean, _I_ thought that maybe I could take you out tonight."

"What? Ya think the little doggy needs some company and sympathy and you came over to take me out? Oh, save it!" I cut him off. "I don't need your pity, I don't want it either! Go home with the little wife!"

I could see the hurt on his face and it felt good. "Sirius?" he said.

"What? Don't recognize me coz I don't have footprints on my face? I'm sick of getting stepped on, Moony, sick of it!"

"Getting stepped on? What are you talking about?" he was looking as though he'd like to cry. I was glad.

"Oh yeah, pretend like you don't know a thing about it. Well, you wouldn't, seeing as you were in a bloody coma and no one even told ya! Everyone is just stepping aside and letting little Mary take all the credit!"

"Sirius!" he grabbed my shoulders and looked me in the eye. "Leave my future wife out of this."

I could tell he was serious about this, so I took a few deep breaths. "Fine, I'm good, I'm fine. Why are you here again?"

"Well, I was thinking we could go to a pub. Maybe? You know, hang out? Like before?"

He'd let go of me but he'd need to grab me again coz I grabbed a small dog statue off the table and hurled it at the wall. "Like before? Like before?" I screamed, as the statue burst into pieces, on my newly painted wall. "Nothing in my life is like it bloody was before! All my fucking friends are getting married when we vowed we'd stay together! And here I am, Sirius Black, all alone! Never would've thought it, would ya? Nope, not me, sociable, charming me and all that? Well, it's your fault!"

I couldn't stop. The hurt on his face only fueled my anger. "Yep, it's you! You and your bloody ring that you stick on some girl's finger leaving me bloody alone!" I slammed myself down on the couch, crossing my arms.

Remus shook his head like he couldn't believe what was going on. He walked slowly to the couch and sat next to me. We still had this connection, even after I had been so hurtful to him, coz he just put an arm around my shoulders, and let me put my head on his shoulder. Well that did it; I bawled like a kid, I couldn't stop. But he didn't want or expect me too. He just sat there patting my hair and whispering, "it's all right, it's ok, Padfoot," in my ear. The fact that he could still do this after I'd hurt him just killed me. Moony is such a great person, so forgiving.

After a while, I sniffed and wiped my nose on my shirt, which is disgusting and makes Moony sick but he looked the other way and let me do it. "Thanks Moony. I, uh, I really needed that."

"Anytime Padfoot, I mean that." He embraced me and I hugged him back tightly. He kept talking and I almost started bawling again. "Look, pal, we're best friends, ok? I understand that you feel alone and James sort of bailed on us real quick with Lily and all but he needed her at that time. And he's still your friend, just on a different level, ok?" he looked at me.

"Yeah," I said, trying to hold tears back. "I got it. Thanks."

"Well, I gather you're not really in the mood for a pub now, eh?"

I chuckled. "No, not in particular."

"Well, do you want to go back to my place and just have a cup of tea or cocoa?"

"Sure, sure." We grabbed our traveling cloaks and stepped out the door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

** Remus **

Sirius had scared me for a minute there. But here he was, being his old joking self again and that put me at ease. We walked to the corner of his block and apparated to my house.

The minute we appeared, I knew something was wrong. Even before I opened my eyes, I could smell smoke. I looked around; Sirius was staring at my house, which was on fire. "Oh my god, Moony." He said.

I started for the house but he pulled me back. "Look!" he hissed in my ear. I stared around, furious at him holding me back. Then I saw it, there at the doorway, figures in black cloaks and masks. The Death Eaters. I was screwed. Sirius pulled me in some bushes, which was fortunate because I don't think my legs would have moved. The Death Eaters walked down the path to my door, toward us. I gasped and Sirius clamped a hand over my mouth. We could hear them talking.

"Well, I don't think anyone was inside." Said one.

"The Dark Lord will not be pleased." Said another.

"Why did he have to go out tonight?" said another, and it was Sirius' turn to gasp. He looked at me and mouthed, 'Bella'.

"I don't know, look, just be pleased we got one of them. Where is Rookwood with the body?"

"Here I am, Avery." Said a new voice that was coming near.

"Excellent, we'll leave it here, for him to find." Said Bella. I wondered whom they were talking about. Which of my friends was dead?

There were four pops and they were gone. Sirius looked at me for a second and then we both got up at the same time. But, I guess Sirius got a glimpse first, because he covered my eyes and spun me around so I couldn't see.

"Sirius!"

"Don't look, Moony. Do not look."

"Why?"

"Trust me, Moony, it's too much of a shock."

"Would you just let me look, Padfoot? Come on!"

"All right, but remember, I tried to spare you."

I rolled my eyes and turned around. The sight was enough to make my knees give way, luckily Sirius caught me. There, on the pavement of my walk lay Mary O'Reilly. Dead. I couldn't take it.

"NO!" I screamed. I broke free of Sirius' grasp and rushed to her side. I felt for a pulse, there was none. I tried countless reviving spells, I tried CPR, nothing happened. Sirius just stood there with the most pitying look on his face. I couldn't fathom it, she was dead. My bride was dead. I sat there, looking at her pale face, still beautiful. She was gone. We'd never get married or have kids or meet our grandkids or grow old together. Never. Never again would she sit across a dining table from me, as we stared at each other, clinking wine glasses happily. It was all over. I might as well be dead. I began to cry. Sirius wrapped his arms around me and did all I needed, he listened.

"I shouldn't have let her go, Padfoot, I'm an idiot, it's all my fault. I hate myself…I lost her…. she's gone…" I sobbed, shaking uncontrollably. I grabbed Mary's hand and kept rubbing it gently with my thumb. I did that for what seemed like hours. Sirius never let go of me.

The Ministry came soon. They told me they needed to take her away. That was hard. It meant it was real; they were taking her body away. I cried harder as they pried my hand off of hers. They carried her lifeless body away and then apparated. I clutched Sirius' cloak in my clenched hands, crying into his chest. He must have apparated the two of us to his flat because the next thing I knew, he was lowering me onto a bed. He kissed my forehead and I remember trying to swat him away. He let me cry all night. I don't think I slept a wink.

It's killing me inside 

_And now I dread each day_

_Knowing I can't be saved_

_From the loneliness of living without you _

**A/N:** well, sorry about that. I had to. Mary had to go to keep the story moving. I apologize. All I ask is that you review. I don't know what it is about this Kelly Clarkson but this is the longest chapter I've written for this story, 5 pages. I'm really proud of it and I wish you would tell me what you thought of it.


	8. beautiful disaster

"night of the full moon"

Disclaimer: title of the chapter is from Kelly Clarkson's song. Listen to it, it's a Remus song. The characters are J.K. Rowling's, of course. Except for Mary, she's mine, but she's dead. So sad. Also, the idea of the overdose and everything that happens with it comes from "The Apartment", with my sweetie, Jack Lemmon. Great movie.

Author note: thank you for your kind reviews of "The Used"! But, as I said, it was a one-shot. No updates, sorry!

Chapter 8: beautiful disaster

_All that's left of me _

_Is what I pretend to be _

_So together but so broken up inside _

_Cause I can't breathe _

_No I can't sleep _

_I'm barely hanging on _

_Kelly Clarkson: "behind these hazel eyes" _

Remus 

I woke up in Sirius' spare bedroom. For a moment, I didn't understand why I was there. Then I remembered the horrific events of the night before. The love of my life was gone. And it was all the Death Eaters fault. I thought of all the deaths we read about in the paper and how Mary was going to be in the paper today. I couldn't cry anymore. I didn't have any tears left. I'd probably slept three hours the whole night. What was the point in going on?

Sirius 

I'll never forget how he looked when I entered the spare bedroom that morning. He was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling, didn't seem to want anything to eat when I asked. It seemed like he had lost the will to live. Mary had been his perfect match. Where was he going to find another? If I could have given all my hair, my beloved hair, for Remus' happiness, I would have done so in a heartbeat. I hated seeing him like this.

Remus 

A few days after that morning, I woke up to see an owl perched on the dresser. I got up wearily and pulled the note from its leg. It was from the Ministry, they were done inspecting Mary's body and were sure that it was the Killing Curse. I could have told you that and I didn't use people's tax galleons on complicated equipment. They were 'allowing me' to come pick her up and arrange for a service. This was going to be hard.

Sirius 

I tried to be by Remus' side through the whole thing. I was terrified he would do something rash in his despair. I went with him to the Ministry Morgue and to the funeral parlor. We got a nice little garden service; Remus said she'd loved the outdoors. Anyone who had known her could come. Lily and James were there, of course. I thought it was ironic that Mary was dead and they were bringing someone new into the world. It was devastating for Remus. He wore a nice suit and walked around, talking to everyone and pretending he was all right. And then he would come inside to the coffee room and cry on my shoulder. It was too much for him. Looking back, I'm not surprised at what he did later that day.

Remus 

The funeral was awful. It pushed me over the edge. I did not need to see all those faces, full of pity for me, looking into the casket and saying a prayer. I wanted to grab Sirius and run out of there, never come back. We could just, buy a house and he would let me cry on his shoulder day and night and we would talk about how much I miss her and there would be no one there to stare at me and say, "I'm sorry." I was sick of it. "I'm sorry" wasn't going to save her now. Where were all these people when she was hit with the curse? Some of the people there were in the Order. Where had they been? But it all came down to me. I should have volunteered to go along and help. Sirius says I would be dead today as well. But I think it would be better to be dead than to feel this ripping in my soul.

Sirius 

That night, we came home, tore off our ties and sat on the couch. Remus turned in before me and I watched a late night movie on some muggle channel on my muggle television. A little past midnight, I went to check on the poor, broken man sleeping in my spare bedroom.

I came in and saw him, sleeping, it seemed. I moved toward him to pull the covers onto his body. He was lying on his side, and was breathing shallowly. When I got close enough, I saw there was a small vial next to him. I picked it up and held it close to my eyes. The label read, "sleeping pills", it was half empty and had been full sitting in my bathroom cabinet.

My mind blanked and I seemed to go into autopilot. I picked his limp body up by the shoulders and called his name. I slapped his face.

"Remus?" Slap, slap. "Moony? Come on, Moony, wake up now…" Slap slap. There was no waking him up. I dropped him back onto the pillow and stared for a minute into space. Then I remembered a muggle doctor lived one floor down from me.

I took those stairs faster than the night I had that beautiful blonde all drunk and ready to have a fun night. I banged on the door of the doctor's door. I don't remember what I said to him, it was a blur. I don't think we had ever spoken before but he said he'd go get his bag and meet me in my place.

I ran back and tried, in vain, to wake my friend. The doctor came in after a few minutes and examined Remus.

"Well? What are you going to do?" I said, when he started lifting Remus off the bed.

"I'm going to get that stuff out of his stomach, if it isn't too late." I cringed. He gestured for me to grab his feet and together we got him into the bathroom. "Go put some coffee on." He said to me.

I walked to the kitchen blindly. Thoughts went through my mind as I turned on the tap and filled a coffeepot. Why had he done it? He still had us. The poor guy, he'd never had a girl like Mary. He was probably worried about finding another. He'd loved being in love. I turned on the stove and placed the pot on the burner. I wandered into the hallway outside the bathroom. Horrible retching and coughing noises were coming from beyond the door. I winced, poor Remus.

Soon enough, the doctor emerged from the bathroom with one of Remus' arms slung around his neck. Remus was still unconscious and very pale. The doctor carried him to the living room and dropped him in my easy chair. He rolled up Remus' sleeve and took a syringe out of his bag.

"Well?" he asked me, as he filled the syringe. "Why did he do it?"

"Well, his fiancée was just killed and we had come home from the funeral. It was pretty hard for him. I didn't even see it coming, doctor."

"Not many people do." The doctor responded, scanning Remus' arm for a vein. "If he survives this I recommend you keep a close watch on him in the coming days. They almost always attempt it a second time." Finally choosing a vein, he injected Remus with whatever was in the syringe.

Remus began to groan. The doctor grabbed Remus' hair and slapped his face hard. I turned away. Remus groaned more and the doctor said, "Get the coffee." I hadn't noticed the kettle whistling.

When I came back from the kitchen, the doctor had Remus' face cupped in his hand. "What's his name?" he asked me.

"Remus….Lupin." I responded.

"Remus? Remus? Do you know what you did?"

"I took some…….sleeping pills." Remus mumbled.

His head nodded and the doctor slapped him again. "Do you know where you are?" his head drooped. "Remus! Do you know where you are?"

"Sirius' place….."

"Are you Sirius?" he asked me.

"Yeah…"

He slapped him again. "Remus, you have to stay awake! Gimme the coffee."

I handed him the cup. He brought it to Remus' lips and tipped it. Remus gagged and coughed, coffee dribbled down his chin. "Here, drink this, Remus." The doctor said, tipping the cup to Remus' lips again. He just wouldn't drink it. "Open a window." He instructed me. I ran to the nearest one and wrenched it open. I heard Remus coughing and gagging again.

"Come on, Remus, drink…" the doctor urged. Finally, he seemed to get the idea. The doctor tipped the cup again and he swallowed it willingly.

"Mmm…I'm so tired…." Remus mumbled. "Let me…sleep."

"No, Remus!" the doctor said loudly. "You have to stay awake!"

After Remus had drunk half of the coffee, he beckoned to me, "Here, come and help me, Sirius, was it?"

"Um, yes." I went over by them.

He grabbed one of Remus' arms and I took the other one. "We need to walk him around, to keep him awake." He told me. "Ready, Remus? Right, left, right, left, right, left…"

That's how it went for about three hours. Right, left, right, left, right, left, until the doctor was sure he'd be okay. We brought him into the spare bedroom and laid him down. He curled up under the comforter and closed his eyes.

"He'll sleep on and off for the next 24 hours." He told me. "When he is awake, try to raise his spirits. Play a card game, anything. And keep him away from…things he can use to try again."

"Got it." I said, running a hand thru my hair. What a night.

"Good luck. And maybe we can meet sometime, you know, for lunch or something. A happier occasion to meet with you neighbors, perhaps?"

I nodded. "Sure. And thanks for everything, doctor. Um…" I looked around and patted my pockets. "How much…"

He waved his hand. "No charge. I did it as a neighbor, not as a doctor."

"Thank you." The doctor shook my hand and with that, he was gone. To probably explain to his wife.

I walked into the spare bedroom and sat in a chair next to Remus' bed. I watched his chest rising and falling peacefully. This sure had been an interesting few months. I did know one thing after all this, I loved Remus and I would do anything for him.

"_Beautiful Disaster" (Kelly Clarkson)_

_he drowns in his dreams_

_an exquisite extreme I know_

_he's as damned as he seems_

_more heaven than a heart can hold_

_and if I tried to save him_

_my whole world would cave in_

_it just ain't right_

_lord, it just ain't right_

_oh, and I don't know_

_I don't know what he's after_

_But he's so beautiful_

_He's such a beautiful disaster_

_And if I could hold on_

_Through the tears and the laughter_

_Would it be beautiful?_

_Or just a beautiful disaster?_

_He's magic and myth_

_As strong as what I believe_

_A tragedy with_

_More damage than a soul should see_

_And do I try to change him?_

_So hard not to blame him_

_Hold on tight_

_Baby, hold on tight_

_oh, and I don't know_

_I don't know what he's after_

_But he's so beautiful_

_He's such a beautiful disaster_

_And if I could hold on_

_Through the tears and the laughter_

_Would it be beautiful?_

_Or just a beautiful disaster?_

_I'm longing for love in the logical_

_But he's only happy hysterical_

_I'm waiting for some kind of miracle_

_Waiting so long_

_He's soft to the touch_

_But frayed at the ends he breaks_

_He's never enough_

_And still he's more than I can take_

_oh, and I don't know_

_I don't know what he's after_

_But he's so beautiful_

_He's such a beautiful disaster_

_And if I could hold on_

_Through the tears and the laughter_

_Would it be beautiful?_

Or just a beautiful disaster? 

A/N: what did you think? Please, I need your feedback! And don't you love that song? It's such a 'remus song'. Six pages here, whoot! Sigh. I love fanfiction.


	9. blackbird

"night of the full moon"

Disclaimer: do not own Remus or Sirius. Also, the White Album inkling? That belongs to Shoebox who said Remus got it for his tenth birthday. And the lyrics in here are Lennon and McCartney's. Praise them. And But I do own the plot. You know what else I own? These posh new glasses I got yesterday. They're cute! LAST CHAPTER! I think.

Author note: I really liked this review I got the other day and I think I may turn this to mild sort of slash. It was from "Ruse123", she said, "I have never seen them as both being specifically gay, they are just in love with each other." Thanks, I liked that!

Chapter 9: blackbird

Remus began to stir. Sirius sat up in the chair he had placed beside Remus' bed. This all seemed so familiar, like they had sat like this before. And then he remembered that they had. Sirius had realized that night that this was how it should be, Sirius watching over Remus. That's why Sirius had decided to offer Remus a permanent residence here. He'd discovered in the past months that he missed being the marauders. He couldn't have James, so he'd at least have Remus, it would be just like old times.

Remus sat up and looked at Sirius. "What happened, Sirius?"

"Well, you, uh, you took too many sleeping pills."

"Oh, yeah." He lay back down and stared at the ceiling despondently. "Why didn't you just let me die?"

Silence. A very uncomfortable silence in which Sirius played with a split end on his beautiful head of hair. "Because I love you." He finally said.

"Excuse me?" he sat up again.

"I do, I love you. As a marauder, as a friend, as a brother, Remus. And I would not just stand by and let my brother die!"

"I understand that. But it was what I wanted."

"Why, Remus? Why on earth would you want to die?"

"I have nothing to live for. Mary is gone, James is married—"

Sirius cut him off. "What about me?" he'd been dying to ask that question for weeks. "What about me, Remus? I sat by your bed when you were dying. I read you notes from the Marauder Book. I saved you when your lungs failed, Remus! And what does Mary do? She comes in and bloody kisses you and—"

"Sirius, do not talk about her like that. She's gone, leave her alone."

"Sorry." Sirius fiddled with a string on his shirt. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm still here. We're both in the same boat now. Both of us don't have a girl, right?"

"Yes, I suppose."

"So, live for me."

More silence in which Remus chews on the nail of his left forefinger. He finally says, "You're right. I can't believe I have been so thick. I do have you. I guess I never stopped to think about how much I would hurt you if I died."

"Not only me, Remus. You would have hurt James and Lily and, unintentionally, their child! You would have hurt Dumbledore and the entire Order! They care about you a helluva lot. They would have been there for you too when Mary died, if only you'd asked. You need to ask for help, Remus because sometimes we're not sure if you need it. You're like that, cagey."

"I do hide things an awful lot, don't I?"

"An awful lot."

"Yeah…"

"Well," Sirius says. "What do you want to do?"

"Pardon?"

"It's your day, Remus."

"Well, do you know something? When I was in that coma, it must have been when you were reading the book, I had the craziest urge to listen to the White Album."

"The Beatles?"

"That's right."

"Your wish is my command. Would you care to join me in the living room?"

"Certainly."

Sirius helped Remus up and led him to the living room, where he plopped down onto the couch. Sirius went over to his phonograph, the one that Remus had given him for his 18th birthday. He rifted through his records and found the White Album. "Which song?" he asked.

"Oh, you pick." Remus answered.

Sirius grinned, placed the record on the turntable and set the needle down. He walked over to the couch and sat next to Remus as the record crackled and the song began.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
all your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise. _

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to be free. _

_Blackbird fly Blackbird fly  
into the light of the dark black night. _

_Blackbird fly Blackbird fly  
into the light of the dark black night. _

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise. _

"That's you." Sirius says, pulling Remus toward him and kisses his temple gently. "You're my little blackbird, with your broken wings. But you can learn to fly again."

"With your help." Remus replies, and falls asleep on Sirius shoulder while "Rocky Raccoon" plays.

A/N: what do you think? Should that be the end? I REALLY need your help on this one! Should there be an epilogue? Or a whole other official chappie? Please, help! Also, this is amusing; I have this inexplicable urge to say, "little did Remus know, he would fall in love with Sirius' cousin, some twenty years later…" heeheehee.


	10. author note

"night of the full moon"

Author note on the end:

Well, I was thinking about writing an epilogue and I may one day, but not now. I think the way the last chapter ended is a nice way to leave it for a while. I have to thank you all for all the reviews I have gotten. Since the very beginning of this story, it's gotten so much support and I can't thank you enough for putting me on your alerts and telling me what you think. That's the best part of fanfiction, the feedback.

So thank you to all who reviewed and to you lurkers, (I know you're there), who have admired from a distance. I am on to new and bigger things in fanfiction. It's time to bid this story goodbye, for the time being anyways. It's sad to see it go though.

Next time I post on this story it will, hopefully, be an epilogue. See you then!


	11. EPILOGUE

"night of the full moon"

Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything you recognize from a certain set of children's fantasy books.

A/N: I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Got an idea for this while listening to the Billy Joel song of the same name in the car today. Hope you enjoy it!

Epilogue: second wind 

Remus' POV 

That was a very scary moment for both Sirius and myself. I didn't know why I attempted something as drastic as suicide and Sirius just didn't want me to again. All that mattered though was that I was all right. Somebody up there liked me, and I knew whom. Mary. I knew that she was looking down and watching over me. It took me a while but I got over her death. It was a long hard road. But as Sirius liked to tell me, we all got our second wind eventually; it just took me longer than others.

About three weeks after I overdosed, I fell asleep in the bath, almost drowned. If it hadn't been for Sirius coming in and being a mother hen checking on me, I would have died. Sirius was beside himself for a week. He thought I had done it on purpose, kept watching me like a hawk. I felt guilty, started wondering if maybe I had done it intentionally. I even went to a Muggle psychiatrist for a while. But that only intensified some of the pain. The only time I felt better was when I was with Sirius.

Some people called us gay. We didn't think we were. We didn't know what we were; we were just two guys with a close relationship. There was no sexual activity, not even kissing. We just loved each other, an indefinable love. It wasn't brotherly, and it certainly wasn't sexual, so what was it? I still don't know. But it was there.

A month after the overdose, I started feeling well enough to search for work. But, I had no luck; most of the employers didn't want a werewolf joining their ranks. Sirius gave me the initial idea. All I did when I was home was read. I loved books and everything about them. So Sirius suggested I open a bookshop. That was my second wind.

I called it "The Book Nook" and I opened it on Clerkenwell Street in London, only a few blocks from our flat. In the beginning, the only people coming in were James, Lily, Sirius at lunchtimes and a few people who only picked things up, but didn't buy them. Then, one day when I was feeling particularly hungry and depressed, I got the idea to turn the storeroom in the back into a café of sorts. We cleaned out all the boxes and instead put in a few round tables and stools. Sirius was the cook, he made finger sandwiches and chocolate biscuits and tea and people started coming in, taking a sit-down, reading a novel and then buying it! Sales went way up.

I thought everything was just as it should be. Then…it happened. It was a normal enough night; Sirius and I were cleaning up after a day of work with "In the Mood" on the old victrola. Sirius wasn't crazy about swing music, but it was my shop, so he let me play it.

"You think we did good today?" Sirius yelled over the twangs of the bass fiddle and sweet sound of the horns.

"I think we did wonderful today, Sirius!" I yelled back.

"I feel great, Remus. We've finally got our lives together." Sirius said in normal tones, the song was at its soft part.

"I feel good too, Sirius." I replied, wiping a tabletop.

"I feel so great, I could dance!" Sirius yelled as the song blared its horns and kicked up again. He came into the area with the tables and grabbed my hands, whisking me away from the table I was cleaning.

"You're crazy!" I said through laughter.

"I know! Don't you love me for it?"

"Of course."

We whirled around and I saw a light in Sirius' eyes that was positively electric. He looked like he was right where he should be, and looking back now, I'm sure I looked the same to him. As we turned, Sirius' foot caught a leg of the table we were passing.

"Uh-oh." He said, before toppling to the ground, taking me with him.

I landed on the floor with a thud, opening my eyes I saw Sirius'. Sirius was lying on top of me. I swallowed, was it suddenly hot in here?

"Moony?" Sirius' voice trembled with this inquiry.

"Yeah?" I replied.

There was no reply. Sirius leaned down slowly and placed his lips on mine. I kissed him back; there was no denying it felt good. Soon, Sirius stuck his tongue between my lips; I obliged and parted my lips more. When his tongue entered my mouth, exploring every corner, I stuck my fingers in his hair.

There was no doubt that we were both enjoying this moment. So I was rather surprised when Sirius jerked away from me as though he'd been electrocuted. He looked at my confused visage for a minute, and then regaining his composure, straightening his tie, he lifted himself off of the floor and me. He walked to the back part of the café that was the small kitchen.

It seemed as though Sirius wanted to pretend it hadn't happened. It made me a little mad that he had begun that moment and then ended it so abruptly, without any explanation at all. But I didn't want to ruffle feathers when we both had seemed to be so complete for the first time since the overdose.

As I walked to the cash register to lock it up, I couldn't forget the feeling of Sirius' tongue and the way he had tasted, something like tea and a cheese sandwich. My fingers in his hair had seemed so right at the time, but thinking about it made me feel embarrassed and scared.

"I'm gonna head home, then." Sirius said, suddenly coming into the room, making me jump slightly.

"Um, all right." I replied, fighting down the urge to jump over the counter and kiss him again as he pulled on his leather jacket. "I'll see you there."

"Mm-kay." He mumbled and left the shop, the bell on the door jingling quietly.

As I watched him walk past the window, I noticed the song playing on the record player. It was an old Frank Sinatra tune, "I've Got You Under My Skin."

"You got that right, Frankie." I said to no one in particular as Sinatra sang the title lyrics. I sighed, grabbed my overcoat from the hook, turned the record off and turned off the lights. Who knew what the future held with this tension between Sirius and me.

THE END

**A/N:** Well, no one saw that coming, eh? Lol. Of course, if you haven't guessed it, I will announce it: THERE'S A SEQUEL COMING! YAY! Lol. It will be called "The New Moon" and should be up sometime in February. It will focus on Remus and Sirius' struggle to accept they're kind of in love and then their relationship. Until then, please review!


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